


How To Ruin A Double Date

by blacklightkale



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Arguing, Double Dating, Drunkenness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, dont let these tags scare you away its a fun fict
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 16:11:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15368331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacklightkale/pseuds/blacklightkale
Summary: Want to know how to remember a moment in infamy as'the worst date you've ever been on'?Have you ever wanted to know how to sabotage another couple for the hell of it?Look no further, as there is astep-by-step guideon how you, your partner, and another couple, can ruin each others lives!





	How To Ruin A Double Date

**Author's Note:**

> you know when that idea comes into your mind at 3 am and you have to write it down?  
> it was one of those nights. 
> 
> im not good at fight scenes forgive me. i am but a child of god.
> 
> [since this fict has substance abuse themes, if you or someone you know is suffering from addiction, please utilize these hotlines:]
> 
> [Crisis Text Line: CONNECT to 741741 (US)]
> 
> [Samaritans: 116 123 (UK)]
> 
> [Lifeline: 13 11 14 (AU)]

**How to Ruin a Double Date: the step-by-step guide on everything you need to fuck everything up for everyone.**

_Before we begin, it is crucial to make sure that you choose a couple wisely. It is recommended that you go on a date with a pair that are considered to be ‘chill’ or ‘boring’. Be sure that your significant other is a heavy drinker so there will be plenty of things to discuss._

 

**Step 1: Choose the wrong place to date**

_A fancy restaurant, a diner, or a pub, should not be your first choice. Instead, a fast food place will be suitable, as there will be commoners around you, and your heavy-drinking significant other can get off on the right foot._

 

“At least it’s cheap.”

Everyone nodded in agreement.

It was beginning to turn dark outside. The two couples were sitting at a booth in the McDonalds, ideally near the play area. Nothing creepy about four grown men near a kid-inhabited area. This wasn’t everyone's idea, though. It was Jordon’s.

Danny leaned his head back on the booth’s headboard. “I feel like such an idiot.”

“Listen, I didn’t feel like getting fancy and eating steak.” Jordon took a large bite of his sandwich, speaking with a mouthful, “I was fuckin’ _craving_ for this Big Mac today.”

“You at least could’ve told us. This dress shirt is making me sweat.”

As they were talking, George pulled out a silver flask and took a swig of something. No one noticed at first. It was the second time that Jay caught him in action.

“Are you drinking?”

George glanced at him. “Yeah?”

Everyone groaned in disappointment. Jordon hid his face in his hands to conceal his embarrassment.

 

**Step 2: Avoid hanging around scenic areas.**

_Walking on a beach? How boring! Instead, a city would be the best option. Ideally, one with a high crime rate. This will insure an interesting outcome to shake everyone up._

 

“ _FUCK!_ ”

The car wasn’t turning on. Jordon kicked his car repeatedly and viciously. George pulled him back and wrapped his arms around him to cool him down.

“I need to call my insurance, this is--”

“No, we can deal with it tomorrow--”

“My car is gonna get towed, you moron!”

Danny and Jay didn’t get involved but they held each other close for comfort.

“Let’s just walk back to the hotel. It’s not far.”

“In this city? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Fine. We’ll get a cab.”

“I don’t have any cash, Johnny.”

Jordon turned to the other couple. They shook their heads.

The couples began their journey back to the hotel. There weren't many people out on the street, making Danny and Jay hold each others hands to keep each other reassured. George continued to drink out of flask and it was annoying his boyfriend. The other couple looked away to ignore the ongoing arguing.

They anxiously passed by an alleyway. Then their worst fears came true. A tall man, almost as tall as George, dawning a dark hoodie, stopped them in their tracks.

“Gimme me your money.”

George stared at him incredulously. The alcohol was clearly catching up to him. “I ain’t givin’ you shit, bitch!”

The mugger flipped a large pocket knife from his hoodie pocket.

“Oh. Fuck.”

Danny shoved his near-drunk friend out of the way to take down the mugger. He was quickly met with a swift punch to the face.

Jay quickly came to protect his boyfriend. He held the mugger’s wrist containing the pocket knife, kicked him in the groin, and then an uppercut to his jaw. He grabbed the knife by the blade and threw it as far as he could. Everyone sped away from the stranger until they got to a safe point at an open shop and leaned up against the wall while they panted heavily. Jay looked down at his hand. “I’m bleeding.”

Danny gasped. He examined his boyfriends hand and saw a large cut scrapped across his palm as blood was seeping out from it. He hastily took off his tie and wrapped it around Jay’s hand. “Thanks, babe.” Jay cracked a smile and leaned his head on Danny’s chest. He smiled more when felt a kiss on his head from his lover.

“Alright lovebirds, let’s get back to the hotel.”

They stepped away from the wall and onto the pavement. A car zoomed passed them, hitting a deep pothole filled with foggy water, which splashed onto the group. They stood quietly for a moment, letting the water seep through their dress shirts, and then continued their walk back to the hotel.   

 

**Step 3: Induce discourse.**

_By this point, your partner should be far more than just tipsy. Instead of promptly sobering them up or taking them to bed, allow his big mouth to express it’s dismay and desire to inflict violence onto everyone. This will make for interesting conversation._

 

Everything between them was quiet. It was when they reached the floor where their rooms were at is when George started to ramble.

“You guys are such _dicks_ ! I was having a good time with _my_ drink, but none of you _wanted_ any! And now I’m drunk _alone_!”

George’s words were slurred and stuttered. Jordon was trying his best to hold up his boyfriend while they stumbled through the hallway. “Be quiet, asshole.”

“You be quiet!” George shoved Jordon off of him. He tried to comprehend more words but they only turned into mumbling nonsense.

Again, Danny and Jay ignored what was happening. But Danny gave a glance over his shoulder.

“What the _fuck_ are you looking at, faggot?!”

George pulled Jay away from Danny. Danny shoved him away to get George out of his face but it only made the taller man more angry. He heaved a wheeze when George punched him in the stomach. The other two were pulling George away to stop the fighting but Danny fought back with a punch to the man’s face. He was grabbing his shirt collar tightly until he heard Jay shout at him.

“Danny, stop!”

He let go of George and lowered his hands.

George stumbled backwards only to fall on his ass. “Fuck you guys!”

Jordon lifted up George with a sneer on his face.

“God, fucking dammit, I didn’t want this to go this way.”

“Charlie, it’s ok,” Jay spoke, “we didn’t either.”

The only good thing that happened was the fact that their rooms were apart. Jay and Danny relaxed on their bed, unwinding from the unsuccessful date. Jordon, on the other hand, had to clean up George’s vomit and drag his passed-out body to bed. At least he didn’t have to hear him ramble anymore.

 

**Step 4: Reminisce in the morning.**

_Sometimes, when a date doesn’t go well, it’s best to forget about it. Do not do this. Instead, discuss it with you partner, and with the other couple, if they are still around by morning that is._

 

George woke up with a vicious headache. He sat up from his bed and rubbed the temples of his head to focus on his surroundings. When his focus came, he turned his head and saw Jordon sleeping on the couch. He must’ve fucked up bad.

He nearly fell out of bed but managed to stand up to walk over to his boyfriend. “Hey, Charlie, wake up.”

Jordon moaned into his pillow. When George shoved his shoulders, he moaned even louder.

“What did I do last night?”

“You fucked everything up. That’s what you did.”

George tried to sit himself down next to his boyfriend with what space he could get on the couch. He rubbed his arm sweetly. “I’m really sorry.”

“No you aren’t.”

“But I am.”

“You took a flask full of whiskey to the date; you’re not sorry.”

“I wanted to have some fun!”

Jordon stopped replying.

George pondered for a moment. “I promise to make it up to you.”

“Like what?”

“A better date?” George replied. “And no booze either.”

Jordon drawled a deep sigh into his pillow. “Ok.”

George leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend on the cheek. “I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, babe.”

George stood back up and went over to check his phone. He had a few texts from Jay.

‘Headed out to breakfast with Danny’

‘Did you apologize to Charlie?’

‘I saw his car getting towed’

Fuck.

 

_If you follow this guide correctly then you will succeed in having a shitty date!_

_Remember: this can only be repeated once every few months. A continuous stream of bad dates will turn away the other couple._

_And lastly: do not forget the make-up sex._


End file.
